^{This transcription was automatically generated. Please excuse grammar errors.}

Diana Rene: 0:06

You're listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast, a podcast built specifically for busy moms by a busy mom. I'm your host, Diana Rene, and in 2017, I had my second daughter and it felt like I was literally drowning in my home okay, not literally, but I felt like I couldn't breathe with all of the stuff surrounding me. Over the next 10 months, I got rid of approximately 70% of our household belongings and I have never looked back. I kind of feel like I hacked the mom system and I'm here to share all the tips, tricks and encouragement. Let's listen to today's show. Welcome to this episode of The Decluttered Mom podcast.

Diana Rene: 0:53

I am excited to talk to you today about the idea of always hurrying, my goal this summer. Honestly, it has been for the past year or so, but I just have been feeling this more and more and more lately and as we head into the summer, my goal really is to reduce hurry as much as possible, and what I mean by that is for my kids and for myself, to limit the amount of times that I am saying, okay, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, we got to go. Or just I don't care, just do it, hurry up. Or to me myself even just saying like in my brain like I have to hurry, I have to hurry, I have to hurry, um, because, well, there are a lot of reasons for this, but I have found that when I am in a state of hurry, my nervous system is like on high alert and is like frazzled and frenzied and like I feel like I'm breathing faster and like everything stresses me out. And then, like if I drop something, it feels like the end of the world and I like want to yell right, because I'm in that state already. Right, because I'm in that state already. And if maybe I had time to actually like slow down and I did still drop something, I probably wouldn't like feel it so hard. Does that make sense?

Diana Rene: 2:15

So, and I see it in my kids, and it's something that my mom actually she and I had a conversation, probably about a year ago, maybe a little bit longer, where, um, I don't even remember how this was brought up, but she told me that the number one regret she has as far as like how she parented was how she always had us in a hurry and was always telling us to hurry up. And I called her to talk to her before I recorded this podcast episode because I wanted to get her permission to share that. I didn't want to. You know she had shared that with me privately and I didn't want to like blast it to the world on my podcast without her knowing but or like hearing about it on the podcast first. So I was just talking to her and you know I was explaining to her that for me it feels like I know that I know what I feel like when I am in a hurry and when I'm hurrying myself, um, and then I look at my kids and when, when, if we are running late because of whatever reason, and I'm like come on, hurry up, like their little bodies like tighten up, and you can see that happening like in your face, right in front of you. You can see like you're I'm, I feel like I'm putting them in fight or flight mode, which that's probably exactly what's happening in their bodies and in their nervous systems, and it just creates this environment, in this atmosphere of stress, and like that's not, that is not what I want.

Diana Rene: 3:55

And I was telling my mom that on the phone and she said you know, that's like that's a big reason that I regret how much I hurried you guys as kids and I and I'm one of four. So like she was a busy mom, like to the T, my dad worked a lot. He he was there for like sports and dinner and things like that, but he also worked a lot and a lot was on her shoulders, and so she said that was like that was a big thing for her. Was that she felt like knowing more now and just the whole nervous system thing and like the feelings of everything being bigger and more emotional and more I can't even think of the right word but just big when we're in a hurry, like everything feels bigger and everything feels more dramatic and everything feels more annoying when we are already in a hurry and we're in that state of being right. But she said also she just regrets that it was more important to her for us to be on time places versus like taking a minute to just breathe with us or if something was bothering us or we were concerned about something. She wishes that she was more worried about stopping and being, instead of just always wanting to be on time and being at the next place.

Diana Rene: 5:16

And so I have told her before, like hindsight is 2020, right, like I can't even imagine the things that I will say one day that I wish I did differently with my kids. And I always like I am in therapy every single week and I will always joke to my therapist like well, yesterday, like like we my daughter and I had this disagreement, and like she'll probably be talking about that in therapy in 15 years, and like it's a joke. But it's also not right, like there's probably so many things that I do as a parent that when I am older I will look back on and be like I just wish I did that differently. And so I think every parent has has that. And so for my mom it's not something that, of course, I don't hold against her and, to be honest, I don't even really remember that. I don't really remember feeling like we were always being hurried. I remember that we were really busy. We always had somewhere to be not always, but a lot of the time and we were all very involved in sports and with four kids very involved in sports. There's always very involved in sports. There's always somewhere or multiple places to be. So I remember that. But I don't also necessarily think that was a bad thing. It just is what I remember.

Diana Rene: 6:34

So I think another thing is just being okay with being late, like if one of my kids is having a really hard time, like taking the time to get down on their level and help them through their big emotions or help them with whatever they're trying to finish before we go, instead of just saying, come on, we got to go, we got to go. Being okay being late, and I think that that's hard for me. I don't like being late and I think that that's hard for me. I don't like being late, but sometimes, the Honestly, most of the time, that connection with my kids and the ability to help them think through something or help them find what they really wanted to bring to school that day, or just taking a minute to like calm down myself, calm them down, help them through it. So I'm so that I can number one, just help them. Number two, help with their nervous system. Number three, teach them these tools that they can then take into their adulthood so that they maybe aren't feeling that way all the time when they get older. And so there's just, I think, so much value in just taking a beat, stopping saying what do they need from me right now? Do they need me to hurry them and freak out? No, they need me to X and Y. They need me to help them take a deep breath. They need me to just stop and give them a hug. They need me to help them find this thing so that they aren't like upset all morning at school that they couldn't find it and bring it to show their friend because they have been so looking forward to it. And if they're five minutes late, it's okay. It's going to be okay If we're late sometimes, it's going to be okay. So, as I'm working on all of the things to help us not to be late places also just acknowledging the fact that if we are late, it's not the end of the world, and that connection and that support is more important to me.

Diana Rene: 8:40

For me personally, I want to reduce hurry for myself and for my kids, and I think it starts with me, right. So I think it starts with um, I know part of this is like an ADHD struggle where I will wait until the very last second to get ready to go somewhere. Or if I'm like, okay, uh, it's four, 15, 15, I have to leave at 5, so I'll start getting ready at like 4, 15 or 4 20 in five minutes and then I will get distracted by the laundry, and then I'll be like, okay, it's 4 25, so I'll just get started. I'll just start getting ready in five minutes, as soon as I get this laundry folded, because in my brain now that has become the most important thing. And then next thing, I know it's 440 and I'm like, shoot, I still have to shower. But I really like, if I'm going to cook dinner tonight, I have to do X in the kitchen, and so I go do that.

Diana Rene: 9:37

And then the next thing, I know it's like 455 and I still haven't gotten ready. And so I have to make the choice of like taking the world's fastest shower and getting dressed, or or just going and like then being frustrated in myself that I like didn't have time to like actually look presentable and get showered and all of that. And so I know that for part of it, me is just figuring out how to focus. That is like the million dollar question for someone with ADHD who is not on medication, right so. But I know that I need to start sooner. So if I ever feel like I need to start getting ready at X time, then I probably need to bump that back and just be ready earlier, and it's okay if I'm ready earlier, I don't have to wait until the very last second.

Diana Rene: 10:32

And then for my kids, it's more of helping them to be prepared also, and so not. I think sometimes, now that they're nine and six, I put a lot more responsibility on them than maybe I should at times as far as, like they should be able to figure this out Like I. They know how to get dressed, they know how to grab and put everything in their swim bags for swim lessons, like they know how to do that. But I think I need to prepare them in a better way so that they they don't feel so like on their own when it comes to remembering everything. So, whether that be creating new charts that show them what they need to do on the mornings of swim lessons or something like that and I need to brainstorm that.

Diana Rene: 11:17

But this episode is not really like practical ideas and I apologize for that, but it's more just like a conversation about like slowing down, like just slowing the F down and just being okay with not being in a rush and not hurrying. And I think a big thing for me also is just not having too many places to be, because if we don't have to be seven places in one weekend. Then we have less opportunity to be rushed, we can take our time, we can have a slow morning, we can just be and hang out and take our time. If we do have one place that we need to go to get ready and do it ahead of time and all of that. So this is a my number one goal this summer is to just be, be less rushed, be less hurried.

Diana Rene: 12:17

Focus on being present. Um, and I think that that, as far as like being present, I do feel like I do a good job at that. I don't always do a great job at the not hurrying thing, but I do feel like I do a good job at being present, paying attention to my kids and what they need and like who they are and, like you know, instagram, man and TikTok. They get to me because every now and then I get on the algorithm where it's like sappy, sad, parent, tiktok or Instagram and it's like all these reminders about how fast they grow and as like much as they make me cry when I don't want to be crying, it's a constant good reminder that they like time is not slowing down. Time is not slowing down. If anything, it speeds up year after year after year. It speeds up year after year after year, and I just want to like sometimes, like put them in a little bubble and not let them grow up anymore, because they're already nine and six and like I feel like I just gave birth yesterday, like it's just time goes by so fast, and so I do feel like I have been able to do a good job of slowing down and appreciating them and taking it in and being grateful and all of that.

Diana Rene: 13:44

I do think it's just a matter of figuring out ways to adjust how we get ready for things and, like I said, this is not going to be like practical tips, but I just wanted to kind of put out there that maybe you two have felt this way and maybe this is something that you can work on, also over the summer, when kids are home, when, when we tend to be a little more stressed out because we have normally our kids are in school all day and now they're home, and so it can be a big adjustment, right? So maybe it's something that has been on your mind too. I will say also um, this wasn't going to be something that I talked about, but it's something that I was reminded of the other day, because, as you know, I have a business. Um, I have online courses that help moms number one, declutter, number two, systemize and, number three, organize their home so that they do have the time to be able to do what they want and they don't feel like they're picking up after their kids all the time and they have that room and that space to enjoy their kids and enjoy their family and enjoy their lives, instead of just feeling like you're being swallowed up in your home, right, but I but I work because this is my job and this is my full time job, um, and I have a team, I have employees, we have responsibilities, right, and so, um, this past year was the first year that both of my kids were in school full time five days a week.

Diana Rene: 15:19

Before that, because my youngest one is in kindergarten, she did only, I think, three days, two and a half days, last year when she was in preschool. So this past year was the first year that both of them were in school five days a week and it was sad, to be totally honest, like it was sad for me and it was hard for me, but it also was a really big adjustment because I suddenly had so much time to work, and prior to that, like working in my business, I just would have to do during like quiet time, and after they went to bed at night and I would stay up until 3 am and that was not good for really anyone, but especially me with my sleep. So this was the first year that I had time to be able to work, and now I finally adjust to that by the end of the year and now we're boom back in summer and they are home full time. And we didn't. We chose not to do any like summer camps or anything like that, because I just I really because I don't have to be like in an office every day, I don't have like a specific work schedule. I really wanted to take the the summer to just like be with them as much as possible, but that does mean like work doesn't stop, like my business doesn't just like shut down for the summer, and so I've had to kind of swing in the other direction and like relearn. How am I going to manage my time while I'm not like ignoring them while they're home?

Diana Rene: 16:52

Right, and so something I was thinking about the other day was because I was like trying to get something done. I was trying to get a post for Instagram done in Canva, which is like a graphics tool, and then I also, at the same time, was trying to put out a fire with something without boring you to death, with just something in the business, on the logistical side of the business. And then I also had just had read a comment on Instagram that was just mean, like it was dumb, but it was just mean and I really wish people would understand that, like there are humans on the other side of all these Instagram accounts. But I digress, um, and so I was like irritated, I was hurt, um, I was like annoyed, I, and so I was just like in this mood, I was like trying to figure, like emailing back and forth, trying to put out this fire, and then I was also trying to finish this graphic, cause I wanted to get it up, cause it was good, it was really good, it was a good thing I wanted to post, and my youngest was trying to get my attention and I kept telling her you just have to hold on a minute, and I found myself like getting irritated with her and then I stopped and I was like Diana, like WTF, like, yes, my business is important, yes, it was important to put out that fire. Yes, to grow my business, I need to be posting on social media.

Diana Rene: 18:21

But my number one priority is my kids and so when they need me like I have found that when I am feeling irritated at home, if I, if my kids are, you know, I'm just feeling like done for the day. 99% of the time I just need to put my phone down or put my computer away, because I'm just my brain can't handle how many things I'm trying to do and how many things I'm trying to put my focus and my attention on. And if I just freaking put my phone down and put my laptop away, like that, that irritation level or that, like that fight or flight that's starting in my body is probably going to go away too and I can actually focus on them. And I know that that can't always be. I know that there are things in my business that are time sensitive and I sometimes have to talk to my kids and say listen, I understand that you want to go for a walk or you want to play or you want me to be.

Diana Rene: 19:21

I just I need to like, regulate myself and I need to put away the distractions and focus on them, and then maybe focus on that distraction at night, because a lot of times I will get distracted by Instagram or TikTok or things that really are not even responsibilities that I have, but it's just a way to like entertain myself or relax or kind of check out for a few minutes, and that's not fair to them, that's not fair to me, and so it's just kind of like a reminder to myself where, if I'm ever starting to feel like overwhelmed or irritated, then I need to look at what I'm doing and pray and like ask myself is this something that I really need to be doing right now, or can I put it down and do what my kids are asking me to do, or focus on what my kids are asking me as a question or all the you know any of those things? So I don't know, this podcast episode you guys is all over the place today, but I thought it was an important conversation. I am by. It's so funny to me whenever I do an ask me anything on Instagram, I get so many parenting questions and you guys, I am not.

Diana Rene: 20:53

I am not a parenting expert.

Diana Rene: 20:56

I feel like I am questioning my parenting on a daily basis, I always wonder if I'm doing things wrong or right, and so I am not a parenting person or expert by any means, and I just wanted to share with you some of the things that I have struggled with are things that I really want to work on when it comes to my parenting, and maybe you can relate and maybe you can't, and that's OK either way, but I'd love to hear from you on Instagram, send me a DM and let me know kind of what your thoughts are on all of this.

Diana Rene: 21:33

But OK, we will chat next week on the next episode. Have a great rest of your day. Thanks for hanging out and listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean the world if you could write a review or share this episode with a friend or your Instagram stories. And if you're on Instagram, be sure to follow me at thedeclutteredmom and send me a DM to say hi. I'd love to hear what you thought about today's episode. I hope you'll come back next week and hang out with us again.