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Diana Rene: 0:06

You're listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast, a podcast built specifically for busy moms by a busy mom. I'm your host, Diana Rene, and in 2017, I had my second daughter and it felt like I was literally drowning in my home okay, not literally, but I felt like I couldn't breathe with all of the stuff surrounding me. Over the next 10 months, I got rid of approximately 70% of our household belongings and I have never looked back. I kind of feel like I hacked the mom system and I'm here to share all the tips, tricks and encouragement. Let's listen to today's show.

Diana Rene: 0:48

Today, we're going to talk about something that I know I have struggled with for years and years and years, and I still, to this day, struggle with, but I have found different ways to balance. I think everyone in the world struggles with this to some extent, some more than others but what we're going to talk about is basically our digital usage, especially social media, but just digital usage overall, and primarily our phones, because I know that, prior to my phone being such a big part of my life, my laptop was kind of like the thing that I always would pick up after work and I would like scroll social media on my laptop. And then, as smartphones got smarter and smarter and smarter and basically turned into these like little computers, I found that it was my phone that I was kind of turning to more and I was picking that up more and I was focusing on that more. And then, as I became a mom, there was this really interesting thing that happened. I was on my phone more than ever before. But it was also like the way that I felt connected to people because I was a stay at home mom and I felt really isolated in my home all day, versus like before when I was working in an office and I didn't have a tiny human to to take care of all day long and I was sleeping at night and I was talking to other people my age, not just to a tiny human who just would stare at me right. So there was like all these things kind of coming into play that I found really interesting and I also just didn't really know if it was an issue.

Diana Rene: 2:35

And if it was an issue like how to handle it or what I needed to do, to do differently, like I just think there's so much confusion and guilt and shame when it comes to how much we are on our phones and how so much of it is necessary in our world today, especially if you are working from home or, like I was just saying, if you're a stay at home mom and you feel isolated. There are so many ways that we can feel connected with this little thing that we can hold in our hand, but there's also a way that it can disconnect us from the present and disconnect us from being with our family and enjoying what we're doing in whatever present moment. And so, like I said, this is something I still struggle with and I go back and forth and like I'll feel really guilty one day and then the next day I don't feel as guilty because I see the, I see like the good in it and I see like the necessity in it, and then I kind of like go back and forth and the pendulum kind of swings. So, if that makes sense to you, stick around because we are going to talk about some of the things that I have found have helped me in this journey of like letting my phone be a great tool in my life, in a way to feel connected and contributing to my purpose in this world, without letting it become like this huge hindrance and this thing that's getting in the way of what I ultimately really want, and I ultimately want to be present right, whether that is with my family or with whatever I'm doing in the moment.

Diana Rene: 4:28

I think it's so easy to distract ourselves if there's like a thousand different ways to do it, but it's hard for me even to sometimes sit down and like watch a movie, because I feel that pull of that distraction, and so one of the things the first thing I want to talk about is to turn off all notifications, and this was something that I first did, probably like three years ago, and it was hard at first, but it also was really, really helpful and it made a big impact. And I don't mean only on our social media apps, I mean turning off all notifications on every app on our phone, including our text messages, which was probably the hardest one for me, but also probably the biggest impact. So when I say turn off all notifications, I mean I would go into my phone, into the settings and I would go into notifications and I would literally just turn every single app off. The only notification I would allow would be a phone call or a FaceTime, which I mean I probably could have gotten rid of FaceTime also, because I don't have to have that distraction, because here's the thing you guys we have. We already have 10,000 things trying to grab our attention all day long.

Diana Rene: 6:00

And what I found was that when I set a time for me to check in it, it was on my terms, like I got to decide okay, at nap time, that's when I'm going to check my phone and I'm going to lay in my bed and I'm going to relax and I'm going to check anyone who sent me text messages and talk to them. I'm going to check my email, I'm going to check Instagram, I'm going to check whatever, right. But like I knew that at that time was when I was going to just relax and check in, and it changed my relationship with my phone because it wasn't like people had access to me, or companies or businesses or bad news or anything with media had access to me whenever they wanted to, because I was getting these constant notifications, right. So when we have our notifications turned on, we are giving the power to everyone around us on our attention, and when we turn off those notifications and we set that boundary for ourselves, then we are giving ourselves the power to check in when we choose to right, and I think that having that boundary is the probably most important part of doing this. If you're going to turn off your notifications, having set times throughout the day or evening that you are going to check in makes it feel a little bit easier because you know that you, like you're not going to like just never check your phone, but you are going to have these times of the day that you can check in when needed. Now, obviously, if you have situations where you might need to be getting hold of, then prepare for for that right. So, like I will never turn my ringer off completely in case there's an emergency, like in case anybody needs to get a hold of me from my family or extended family, then the ringer stays on and I don't.

Diana Rene: 8:03

I do not turn off notifications for phone calls. Now, like even two years ago it was harder, but now you can do amazing things with all of the different modes. If you have an iPhone, like, you can set up sleep mode and you can set up different do not disturbs where only certain people can call you. So I will do that Sometimes. Like, I will add my husband's work phone, I will add my in-laws cell phones, my mom's cell phone, my sibling's cell phone and like my kid's school numbers that they could call me from. So I will sometimes set up a do not disturb for, like, if I have a really important thing that I need to work on, then I can do that, and I know that if they need to get ahold of me they can.

Diana Rene: 8:51

But, but typically I just don't turn off any, any notifications to phone calls, but I do turn off notifications to text messages still to this day because that way I am someone who I could be like reading and like really enjoying my book. But if I get a text, I'm going to pick it up and I'm going to look at it and I'm going to get sidetracked and then I'm going to reply to the text and then I'm going to be like oh, like my memory is just going to go straight to opening Instagram and straight to opening Facebook and straight to opening TikTok and next thing I know I've been like scrolling social media for an hour when I was really enjoying my book and I should have spent my time sitting there reading my book. And if the notifications are off, then I don't know that somebody's texting me and I'm not like triggered into picking up my phone and kind of going down that rabbit hole of distraction. So this is something that has been really, really helpful. We do. We actually did get a home phone recently also just because that way, like when I was like really having a hard time with my phone being a distraction that way I could turn my phone off completely and my kid's school and like my husband's work and all my um, you know, all my family members, like my mom and in-laws and everyone like that, knows my home phone. So like if they call my cell phone and it's off, they know they can call my home phone if there's an emergency. But that's just kind of like an added layer. If you really struggle with being able to check your phone and you need to be able to just turn it off for a couple hours. If you have a home phone in your home, obviously, then that can be a great way to do it also.

Diana Rene: 10:38

So another thing that I like to do, typically once a quarter, so like once every three months, is to do some type of social media reset, and when I do that I do it anywhere from three to seven days and it just kind of depends on how much I need it at that current point. Sometimes it's just three days and I'm good to go. Other times I'm like you know what? I need a full week reset, and so I'll do it. And what I mean by a reset is I delete all social media off my phone. I don't ever check social media off my phone. I don't ever check social media on my laptop. But if that's something that you do, then there's certain apps you can install on your computer to not allow you to log in.

Diana Rene: 11:24

But I just delete everything off my phone all Instagram and TikTok and Facebook and any social media that I use. Those tend to be the main three and I delete it for however long I need to. For three days, for seven days. I typically give myself the day ahead of time. That way I know so, like if I'm not really struggling with social media, you know at that point and I'm not like checking it all the time and I feel like I have pretty good boundaries set up with it, then I'll just do three days and I know ahead of time that, okay, I'm going to be off for three days and I'll um. You know I run a business on in. My main platform is Instagram and also TikTok, and so I will post on there and I'll just say, hey, I'm taking a break, just so people know. But other than that, I just delete it and I'm off of them for three to seven days.

Diana Rene: 12:18

And what this does is it just allows me to learn to live like in the real world again, without social media, and it helps me to not pick up my phone constantly. I find I read a ton more during these resets, like I will read through so many books in a one week period if I don't have the distraction of social media. And so I require this of myself once a quarter, like I said, because I think it's just really important and I think it helps me never get too far sucked into social media. And, um, I just know it's a requirement, and so sometimes I'm annoyed that I have to do it because I don't really want to. Other times I'm like heck, yeah, I'm so excited, can I start it now? And so it doesn't. You know it goes up and down, but this has been truly, truly, truly helpful in just my overall mental health, like I can feel in my body. I can feel in my body when I am on social media too much and when I am putting all this stuff into my brain, there was a book I read and I believe it was called to hell with the hustle, by Jefferson Bethke and I'm going to botch this statistic, but from what I remember him saying, I believe it was someone now, like, who lives in present day consumes more information in like a 24 hour time period than someone in like the 1500s did in their entire life, because, think about it, like they didn't have TV, they didn't even have radio, they didn't have like this constant like.

Diana Rene: 14:04

If you had to tell somebody something and you didn't live with them, you had to like figure out a way to send them a. I don't know what did they use then? Telegrams, probably not even that. Then right, like you. Just, there wasn't like constant information, even daily or weekly or monthly, and now it's like every second we are being bombarded with information and content and things that like are vying for our attention, and and so it's just, I don't think we were built for this. I don't think that our brains and our minds and our nervous systems were built for this much consumption of information. So the social media reset is just something that is mandatory and I truly believe if you start doing this also, it'll help you to have that healthy boundary with social media and just help you to just take a step back every now and then.

Diana Rene: 15:02

The last thing I like to trick the algorithm, and what I mean by that is we are constantly I mean, like I just said, we're always getting all this information, but also, especially in the last few years, I don't have to tell you that we are constantly getting bad news, right Like, and not just like kind of bad news, but like world changing. Bad news constantly is what it feels like, and so, um, I don't know about you, but I can go down some rabbit holes, especially on Tik TOK, um, and if something big has happened recently in in the news and it's something bad, what's an example? Like anytime there is um a mass shooting, or when russia first invaded ukraine, like these are big things, right, and so like I would go down rabbit hole and I would like watch these videos to, to learn and to see what's happening, and um, because I'm interested in it and I'm invested in it, and I and to see what's happening, and because I'm interested in it and I'm invested in it and I want to see what's going on, but the algorithm now is like sending that to me constantly and two days later that's still everything I'm getting and it's just really tough to consume that right. And so if you're at that point, or if your algorithm is so focused on sending you like bad news because that's what you have engaged with in the past, then start tricking the algorithm. Go to feel good accounts, go to accounts that you really like, go to accounts that make you happy and smile, that don't like get your heart racing angry, but go to the accounts that you want to see more of because they make you happy or feel light or or anything, and start engaging with those accounts. Leave comments, watch the entire video, even like. I will sometimes even find an account I really like on TikTok and I will like pick one of their videos and I will like let it replay over and over and over for 10 minutes while I go and do something, because that's showing the algorithm that I want more of that. I want more of the happy, I want more of the light.

Diana Rene: 17:14

And then, next thing I know, after I do that for a day or two, the algorithm is back to like a more feel good, funny, lighthearted and I'm not saying that you should never consume and learn about the stuff that's happening in our world. I just mean when you need a break and you need to kind of get the algorithm a little bit back on track and not be so doom and gloom for you constantly. That's when I kind of employ this like tricking the algorithm method. So I hope these are helpful for you. Like I said, this is something I still struggle with and I probably will struggle with it for my entire life, especially having a business that relies so heavily on social media and being on my phone. But I think for anyone, this is something that we will always struggle with, because technology is just going to keep like moving forward more and more and more and so it's going to become even more prevalent. And I just think that these are three small things that I do that kind of help keep me in check and help me keep somewhat of a healthy relationship, or a healthier relationship with my phone and just technology slash social media use.

Diana Rene: 18:34

I hope this is helpful. Send me a DM on Instagram. I'd love to hear if this is something that or if any of these things are things that you're going to try. Thanks for hanging out and listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean the world if you could write a review or share this episode with a friend or your Instagram stories and if you're on Instagram, be sure to follow me at thedeclutteredmom and send me a DM to say hi. I'd love to hear what you thought about today's episode. I hope you'll come back next week and hang out with us again.