Diana 0:06
You're listening to the Decluttered Mom Podcast. A podcast built specifically for busy moms by a busy mom. I'm your host, Diana Rene. And in 2017, I had my second daughter, and it felt like I was literally drowning in my home.

Okay, not literally, but I felt like I couldn't breathe with all of the stuff surrounding me. Over the next 10 months, I got rid of approximately 70% of our household belongings, and I have never looked back. I kind of feel like I hacked the mom system, and I'm here to share all the tips, tricks, and encouragement.

Let's listen to today's show.

Somewhere about five years with the declutter or being the decluttered mom on Instagram. I was on Instagram like personally and I had, I don't know if you know this about me, but I had a baby hairbow like accessory business for about a year when Miss Nine was really little. But um, so I had an account for that.

But the decluttered mom uh account started, I think, in in early 2019 on Instagram. So four-ish years I've been on there and it has grown over the years. Like it's it's crazy to uh how much it's grown um over the years. I think we are at currently like 136,000 um followers on there, which is just honestly mind-blowing to me, and I still don't really understand it.

But um I, you know, it it hasn't always had that many people uh on the account and it's grown slowly over those like four or five years. So as the account has grown, I have noticed that when a real okay, so if you're not on Instagram, um, a reel is essentially like a short video um that looks a lot like a TikTok um that is then you know spread on Instagram via the algorithm.

So people who follow my account will see it sometimes. People who don't follow my account will see it sometimes. It just totally depends. And uh there really is not much Instagram strategy anymore uh because it's constantly, constantly, constantly changing the algorithm and how they push things out and all of that.

So a reel is like a short video, essentially. And um anytime I I have had quite a few reels go uh quote unquote viral, which uh can be different for everyone, right? But when I what I have found is that once a reel hits like 600, 700,000 views, which is crazy, the energy around it starts to shift.

And I think what happens, I don't, you know, I don't have like concrete evidence for this, but my hypothesis is that before it hits that point, um, it's primarily going out to moms or to women who like see the content and they are like they think it's funny or they're encouraged by it, or they're like, oh, I can totally relate to that.

And so it's fine, right? And maybe there's like a little bit of pushback or drama in the comments because that's just the nature of social media. Um, but I feel like once it hits that like 600, 700,000 view mark, it starts getting pushed out to people who are not necessarily interested in my content, who maybe are in different life stages, or it might be shown to like a bunch of 19-year-olds who have zero interest in home management.

Or um, I have found with my case, it tends to be seen or commented on a lot by men. Um, I would say like in their 30s, 40s, 50s, who have a problem with and with things that I have to say.

Um, and so once it gets pushed out to like these other markets, I would say the the comments and the DMs start to shift more negative. Um, and then there's kind of this phenomenon with with social media in general, but like I found it especially on Instagram where people will DM you.

Um, they will DM you the craziest, most like hateful and out there and disgusting things, like strangers who like see a reel that I create about decluttering and turn it into this like disgusting message that they send to a stranger, which I'm not going to tell you what they say because honestly, it's like it's just it's it's mind-blowing the the DMs that people will will send over something that they deem controversial or offensive or just not okay in their books.

Okay. So again, we're talking about very non-controversial content that is then getting very intense backlash. I see it sometimes in my comments, uh, but what I'm talking about specifically today is like in DMs, like people will go out of their way to DM me.

Um, and so then I'll go into my DM to happily chat with you guys because um that's something that a lot of people say to me. They're like, I'm shocked that you still reply to like all DMs. And and that's just something that like I've I've never wanted to like really let go of as I as the account has grown, like even at 136,000 followers, I want someone to be able to DM me and like for me to be able to connect with them the same way as when I had 800 followers.

Like I just I really want that. And I know that that may not be totally realistic. And I'm learning now as the account has grown and as I've had more of this like really terrible energy in my DMs that I probably cannot continue on the way I always have.

Um, and that breaks my heart because it's a really, really like important special part of my business. Instagram is like my creative outlet. Um, it's where I can like just kind of come up with fun ideas and be creative and do video editing and um try new techniques and test things. Like it's it's fun for me, it's something that's really fun.

Like, I know a lot of business owners like outsource their Instagram, and that's that's great because it's something that's not fun to them or they don't like enjoy it. I really enjoy creating for Instagram and for TikTok.

Um, and then I really also really love and treasure the connection that I have um with you guys from Instagram um because that's 99% of the time, that's where people find me and find my business is on Instagram. And so we're able to connect and the DMs, and I love that because you guys know I share a lot about my personal life and my stories.

Like my stories on Instagram is like kind of a vlog. Like it's not really heavy on like decluttering, like my feed posts and my reels and things like that tend to be more about decluttering and simplifying and home management and meal planning and all of the above.

Um, but my stories, I like to kind of keep it a little bit more just like what's going on in my day-to-day life. Um, and so we are able to connect there via DMs uh and stories. And so it's been really disheartening to me when I get all of these crazy messages because number one, it's just never fun to open up your DMs to like someone telling you this god-awful thing.

That's just not fun, it's just icky.

And um I went on that retreat last week and like this was something that I was able to talk with the whole group about. And uh here's the thing, okay. I know logically with my head that when someone DMs me something like that, like that doesn't really mean anything about me, right?

Like, that's more about the person that's choosing to send a hateful message to a stranger online than me. Like it doesn't, like, I don't think that those things that they call me are true. Like, that's not what I take to heart.

What I have a hard time with is disconnecting like the energy. Like when I am sent that negative energy and I read that, it brings me down. And like most days I can kind of shrug it off and like it'll affect me for a minute or two, and then I'm like, okay, whatever.

And like then I see two other DMs from you guys that are awesome and amazing, and um, I'm kind of distracted and I forget about it.

But then there are days where, and this has been happening, like I just want to be totally transparent with you. This has been happening more and more, where there are days where I get a message or I get like an influx of DMs because a reel has gone viral, and it affects me and it'll it'll bring my energy down and it will bring my mood down.

Um, and it will do that for an entire day or even an entire week where it's like I can't snap out of it because um again, I don't think that the things they say to me are true about me, but it's just like when you're hit with this negative energy over and over and over, it's like how much can you take before it just becomes too much? Right.

And so I kind of hit that point right before, like maybe like a week before I left for the retreat where I was like, I'm just like I'm not done with Instagram. I love Instagram, I love creating, I love connecting with you guys, but I can't handle it anymore right now.

Like I'm in a place I was really nervous about leaving for the retreat. Um, I had had two reels go viral that were like creating a lot, like were creating a lot of that negative energy, and it was too much. And I just didn't even open my app for like four days, which is unheard of for me.

Like I have gone almost five years of posting like every single day and like only taking like a one-week break once uh every six months where I would like announce it and like um you know, like knowingly schedule a break.

And the this was like, I can't do it. Like I can't bring myself, even if I could, anything that I create is going to be out of like this negative space, and I don't want to do that. I don't want to fuel that negativity, right?

And so I just took a break and I ended up being mostly like I would sometimes check it and like every now and then I would put a story because I'm like, oh, I feel like I'm totally shooting myself in the foot right now with the algorithm because it with Instagram, if you don't post consistently and regularly, then it like punishes you and won't show your stuff to the people who follow you.

And so I would like kind of randomly get on and like post one or two stories, but like I my heart was not in it, my creativity was not in it, and I was feeling really resistant to it.

And so when I went through talking through this at the retreat, I realized that how I handle my DMs has to change a little bit, and that doesn't really mean that it's going to change how I interact with you guys.

Um, it's more so how I handle kind of like the vetting process. I like how one person uh said it to me last week. She said you basically you need like a bodyguard in your DMs, which is true.

Like I like that perspective where someone on my team will be kind of taking over member requests or not member requests, I'm sorry, um DM message requests. That's the word I'm trying to look for.

So if you are on Instagram, you know that there's like a primary inbox, a general inbox, and like a request inbox. And that's where 99% of this like crazy negative negativity happens is in that message request.

Because if someone DMs me, I'm not gonna like, if someone DMs me something terrible, I'm not gonna be like, oh, okay, that made me feel terrible, but I'm gonna keep you in my primary inbox, right?

Like I'm gonna block you and I'm not even gonna reply. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna give that my energy. I'm going to block the person.

Like I have learned that I used to not block, I used to like try to like convince the person that I'm not a bad person, or like I'm like, I'm not what you're telling me here. Um and or I would try to like interact with them and like blah, blah, blah.

No more. Like, I don't even if someone says, if someone chooses to take time out of their day to send a stranger uh any negative message, even if it's not like one of these crazy, disgusting, hurtful things, even if it's just something like um, just something not kind, like if it's just rude, if it's something where like if if I know that person wouldn't walk up to me on the street and say, I just block them.

I'm at the point where I'm like, I don't have energy for that. I I'm I'm done. I will just block that person.

If someone like is DMing me because we're having a discussion and stories and they disagree and they do it in like a polite way, I'm not gonna block that person. But if someone is just outright rude in DMs or comments, then I will block them.

Um, because that that just needs to happen. That's kind of like a boundary I have set.

But now what I'm realizing is that I have this general inbox and this primary inbox full of people I've interacted with over the last five years. And um those conversations are great. And those are the connection conversations I want to have, right?

But I also know that someone new might find me and might send me a DM and I might miss it out on it if I just completely don't check member or oh my gosh, I keep saying that message requests.

And so I need someone to kind of be my energy bodyguard.

And so I'm going to be having one of my team members check message requests from now on, and then they will move the productive kind conversations into like my general inbox and flag it so that I can make sure I go and reply to it.

So like I'm not going to have a team member be in my DMs like interacting as me, but I'm just going to have someone in there who is kind of like checking that message, message. I did it right the first time, message request.

And then if it's anything negative, they will block. And I will never see it. And they don't have to tell me about it. And it doesn't matter to them because it's not negative to them because it's not directed towards them, right?

Like they are basically being my energy bodyguard.

So that is something I'm going to do. I I titled this episode decluttering my DMs because I'm basically decluttering that portion of my DMs, which is a big portion. I'm decluttering that from my world in order to protect my energy better to be able to continue to interact with you guys because I have you guys, I've come so close to just like turning off DMs.

Like you can in your settings, you can like not allow people to DM you. And I've really considered that before. I actually did it one time a couple weeks ago, and then like three minutes later turned it back on because I was like, no, that's not that's not what I want.

I want to be able to interact with you. I just don't want um, I don't want that that negative energy.

And so, and that was something someone said to me last week at the retreat too. Like, you're letting those win who like the people who are sending you these bad things, like you're letting them win because you are not showing up for the people, for the moms who need you, for the moms who need to learn all of the things that go into decluttering and simplifying and minimizing and living that life where we have less stuff to worry about.

I'm not able to show up for that mom because I'm scared to because of the negative energy, if that makes sense.

And I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that anymore. And so I want to get back to just being able to have fun and connect and and share and encourage and teach in my Instagram.

And so that's what I'm doing.

But what I want to say is that I think this can apply to social media accounts also, which I have done a pretty good job of doing this over the last couple of years.

Two years ago or so, I realized that like I was following a lot of people on Instagram that like made me mad. Like, like I would follow people that I'd watch their stories or I'd see their posts and I would be like annoyed.

Um, and I would continue to follow them and I would continue to watch their stories every day.

Um, because they posted really like controversial things that I didn't agree with, or they were just really abrasive, or you know what I mean? Like just people that like I would watch and I'd be annoyed after watching.

Um, and then I one day, like two years ago, I was like, why am I why am I following them? Why am I giving time out of my day to knowingly put myself in a bad mood or get annoyed because I know that this person's content, not necessarily that person, but that person's content or how they choose to interact with the world was like annoying me or like putting me in a bad mood.

So I just started unfollowing every account that like didn't provide a positive purpose for me.

So I now only follow accounts that either encourage me or give me information that I'm desiring to learn or that I think are just fun.

Um, like there are some mom influencers I follow on Instagram that don't really like teach anything specific, but I just like I think they're really fun people. Like I'll watch their stories and I'll feel like happy or I'll laugh or I'll be like, oh my gosh, I totally relate to that.

And so those are the accounts that I want to follow.

So can you look at your follow list um on any of your social media accounts and ask yourself, like, am I giving power to like negative energy by even just following these people?

And what can I do? Um, who can I unfollow that is not serving me and where I want to be in my daily life and where I want to be with like my where I'm putting my energy and all of that.

So I hope that's helpful and I hope that um I hope that you know that I love connecting with you in DMs and I, as the account hopefully continues to grow, I will always look for ways to be able to always continue that because it's just something that's really important to me.

Thanks for hanging out and listening to the Decluttered Mom podcast.

If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean the world if you could write a review or share this episode with a friend or your Instagram stories.

And if you're on Instagram, be sure to follow me@the.decluttered.mom and send me a DM to say hi.

I'd love to hear what you thought about today's episode. I hope you'll come back next week and hang out with us again.