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Diana Rene: 0:06

You're listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast, a podcast built specifically for busy moms by a busy mom. I'm your host, Diana Rene, and in 2017, I had my second daughter and it felt like I was literally drowning in my home okay, not literally, but I felt like I couldn't breathe with all of the stuff surrounding me. Over the next 10 months, I got rid of approximately 70% of our household belongings and I have never looked back. I kind of feel like I hacked the mom system and I'm here to share all the tips, tricks and encouragement. Let's listen to today's show. Hello and welcome to another episode of The Decluttered Mom podcast. I am really excited to talk about what we're going to go over on this episode because, selfishly, you guys, I kind of did this for my own benefit. Okay, not totally, but kind of a little bit. My oldest started middle school last week and I've stopped crying enough to be able to talk about it on this podcast. No, but I would say a month ago, it really hit me that this was happening, and I think I was in denial. Middle school was rough for me, and so at least sixth and seventh grade were, and so I just and I think I just am uber aware of how much my 11 year old has like grown up in the last year, and so her going to middle school really like freaked me out a little bit. So about a month ago I asked on Instagram for moms who have been there done that to basically give their advice for each phase of school. So I had one question box that was for elementary, one question box that was for middle school and one question box that was for middle school and one question box that was for high school, and I basically asked what would your advice be to parents who have kids that are entering these new stages of school? And so this was going to be really fun because, again, selfishly, I wanted to see the tips for middle school, but I also have so many people in my DMs who are talking about like their kids going to kindergarten and all the emotions that that brings up, right, and so I wanted to kind of do these a little bit separately. I got the most advice for elementary, and so what we're going to do is we're going to do this episode is going to be elementary advice, so this is for parents of kids going into elementary school. It episode is going to be elementary advice. So this is for parents of kids going into elementary school. It doesn't have to be just kindergarten. I mean, this is great advice for all of elementary school. And then the next episode we're going to do middle and high school in one episode together, and so I'm going to be sharing some of my own things as we go through this episode.

Diana Rene: 3:05

I am by no means an expert, you guys. I have two kids. I'm fully aware that I'm not like a parenting guru. I just know that my oldest just completed elementary school and my second is in third grade. So I have been at it for a little bit right, and so I think I have some say or some done there, done that advice, at least for the elementary school, and I'm still learning, but hopefully you will take something away from this.

Diana Rene: 3:35

We got a lot of things that were very similar, like multiple, multiple people saying basically the same thing for different tips, and so I kind of tried to merge those as much as possible, but one or two might've snuck in there. Okay, so we're just going to go through these. These are in no particular order. These are just as I was going through my notes from what people left, and the first one was to encourage friendships but really also focus on family bonds and having a safe space at home with connection, and I really love that and I think it's so true. I think that it's easy to kind of go swing like fully one way or the other when it comes to helping our kids work on either their friendships or maybe like with a sibling or anything like that, and so being able to create that safe space at home with the connection. I just think that's really great advice, okay.

Diana Rene: 4:35

Number two is early elementary kids can handle way more independence and responsibility than we may think, and I've found that very interesting, and I'm sure that everybody has maybe a different viewpoint on that. There's probably varying viewpoints and it probably depends on the kid, it probably depends on so many things, but I think that kind of goes for every stage of life. I think most stages in life we can probably handle more than we may think, and so maybe that's just like good life advice in general. Okay. So this next one, number three this is one that I was like getting over and over and over and so, oopsie, I already messed up because it's number three and four, so I got this probably like at least 10, 15 times. Okay.

Diana Rene: 5:27

So stay in communication with teachers. That was the main point. But some side advice for that is no news is often good news, but checking in routinely can make it less awkward when harder conversations need to happen, assume good intent and offer extra support, and so I agree with all of that. Um, I think that I I always tell my kids teachers I'm like I, like I would much rather you way over communicate with me than like never communicate with me. I want you to tell me anything and everything that you might want to tell me. I don't ever want a teacher to feel like they are bothering me by, like, emailing me about something or anything like that, or if it's something that they're not sure, if it's big enough that they need to communicate it back home, I would always rather they do that if they're hesitant than vice versa, right. And so I try to always maintain open communication.

Diana Rene: 6:27

Again, I am not perfect at this and it probably totally depends on the specific teacher and their communication style, and maybe they just don't communicate as often, and that's okay. But I just think making it clear to your child's teacher that you want to communicate, you want to be in communication and you have to. You have to communicate in a positive way, right? Like, not like if something happens, obviously you're concerned about a specific teacher. That's you guys. Teachers are like saints. Let's just get that off the table.

Diana Rene: 7:08

Because I volunteer pretty often in my kids' school as much as I can, and every single time I leave I feel like I have to take a nap and, like, go pop some Advil and fall asleep for two days because I am so overstimulated. Because I am so overstimulated, I like it's just so much and I cannot fathom doing that day in and day out with 25 of other people's kids in the classroom, and maybe that makes me a terrible person, I don't know, but I could not be a teacher, and so I think that the people that are teachers, I just have so much respect for them and so much I don't know, like I just I just am so impressed with teachers, and so I think that teachers often get a bad rep as far as, like, people are just hard on teachers when it comes to their kids, and so part of being in communication with your kid's teacher is making sure that you are an approachable parent, I guess is what I'm trying to say, right? Okay, so number five this was another one again that we got a lot, and it basically is if you're able to volunteer when you can, it helps getting to know the school and the people in the school better. Here's another one get involved as much as you can be around the school as much people in the school, better. Here's another one Get involved as much as you can Be around the school as much as possible. Now, I realize this is not reality for a lot of people, right, if you have a very demanding job that you just are not able to volunteer, I get it. There's no judgment in that, right. So I think, like I saw over and over again in this question box, was, if you're able to, if you're able to Also several people were talking about this and I also agree is that you don't necessarily have to, like, if you're working 60 hours a week and you are so busy and it's always you know you can never like be the one that take off for field trips or anything like that then there's other ways to volunteer.

Diana Rene: 9:10

There's like things that you can do at home for the school or for your kid's classroom, things like cutting shapes out and like. There's so many just random things that teachers often need, and so if you're able to, again, great. But if you don't have the ability to, don't let it make you feel bad. It's just one of those things that is typically a very positive experience for a parent if you're able to do it, and so I totally realize that I am very privileged to be able to work from home, have my own business, and so I'm able to volunteer quite a bit and I really enjoy it. Like I said, it wears me out, but I also just really enjoy being in the school, getting to know the teachers, getting to know the front office staff, getting to know as many people in the school as I can, because these are the people that are shaping my kids' education right, and so I want to be able to know them as much as I can and just be around as much as I can.

Diana Rene: 10:11

Okay, number six is they are not behind. Try to remember how little even your fourth and fifth graders are, and again, so true. I remember having a conversation with my oldest fifth grade teacher last year, and she said that she's been teaching fifth grade for a while and it's always amazed her that it's right around Valentine's day, like February of fifth grade year where it's feels like they turn in the middle schoolers and that's just like something about their like their like emotional development at that point of where they are age wise, um, but they're just, they're little, and that's something I actually wrote in a little note on here too. It's just that, like they're still babies, they're still so little, and even when they get into like upper elementary, where they think they're older, they're not, they're still babies, and so just remembering that Okay.

Diana Rene: 11:05

Number seven is to stay involved. This is not talking about volunteering, but this is just with your child. So stay involved, listen without reaction or judgments. Silence helps them talk it out, and I found that really interesting. Listening without reaction or judgment. I wear my reactions on my face very often, so that's something I am constantly working on and I think that's a great point. Number eight keep reading with them every night, even in older elementary school, keeps you connected. I love that Totally. Okay.

Diana Rene: 11:37

This next one, number nine, is another one that I had to condense because so many people, so many people put it, this is going to be a hot topic. I'm probably going to get some DMs about this, but here we go no cell phones, no social media, do not give your child a smartphone or unfettered internet access. And I agree and I also totally understand that there are people all over the spectrum on this and I get it. We don't do phones. We have one family cell phone that goes with the kids if they have to go somewhere without a parent. So like if I have to leave my youngest at soccer practice while I go run to pick up my oldest from volleyball, then, like, I leave that phone with her so that she, just she always can get ahold of me if needed. But there's, it's.

Diana Rene: 12:30

I used YouTube to crack it down. I watched all the YouTube, all the tutorials, to figure out how to make sure that, like, my kids can't do anything on it. It can call, it can text specific numbers and I think that's it. I think it can take photos too. But they know that it's the family phone, they know it's not their phone, they know that they are just borrowing it when we have to leave them somewhere, and at all other times it is shut off, plugged in in my office at home, and so we do have iPads in our house, but they are not allowed to use YouTube. They can watch like Netflix, prime Video, disney Plus, those kinds of things. But again, you guys, I'm not naive, like I know that they probably at some point have watched something on an iPad that they probably shouldn't have.

Diana Rene: 13:19

But I see how many kids at such a young age in my kids' schools that do have social media already, like even in like first, second grade, and are on cell phones. And we've had playdates before where like there's like a young child sitting on a cell phone, like sitting on an iPhone instead of playing, and so we have tried. We're really trying to hold out until eighth grade for my oldest Again, who knows, talk to me in a month, talk to me in a year, and maybe we'll have changed our mind because we just haven't been there yet. But that's our goal. We did I, or I did read that book, the Anxious Generation, I think it's called, and so that gives that. I felt like that gave like a really good guideline for cell phones. But that's our plan right now.

Diana Rene: 14:11

But I got this over and over and over and over from parents but also from educators the drama and texting on phones at such a young age. It's pretty wild, from what I've experienced and what I know of friends of mine that have told me stories with their kids also. So again, please don't be mad at me, that's just. That is a popular opinion. That's probably an unpopular opinion with many people, and that's okay. We all have different things that we feel strongly about and that's okay, right, okay.

Diana Rene: 14:45

So number 10, emotional development is the priority. I really liked that. I think that it can be so easy to focus on kids doing well in school that I think emotional development can kind of be like pushed to the side, and I think that's really, really important too. And number 11, okay, this one I feel like I'm reading to myself. Okay, it feels like reliving your school experience and you need to separate emotionally. Okay, that's me with my middle schooler. Okay, I had a terrible sixth and seventh grade year. I had an amazing eighth grade year. Why? Because I transferred school districts, because I was bullied in sixth and seventh grade and hated school, and it's really, really hard for me not to approach anything with my daughter and her social, like emotional friendships, all of those things. It's really hard not to approach it from the lens of my own experience, and so I think this is great advice for elementary also.

Diana Rene: 15:52

This one made me laugh, so I had to include it. It said remember that any fun holiday things you do will be expected yearly and starts fall. And I laughed at this because it was when my oldest was in kindergarten when we did start introducing new holiday traditions because she was hearing about them from other friends at school, and so we started. We did start several things that sometimes every year, I'm like why did we do that? Because we have to do it every year. So just remember that when you do start a new tradition that your kids hear about at school Okay, number 13, get a picture of your kindergartner in a graduation cap.

Diana Rene: 16:30

You'll want it for senior year. I love that. And my second, she did have a kindergarten graduation and I do have a photo of her and not only a cap but a full cap and gown, and it's the cutest thing ever. And it also makes me sad because my oldest did not get a kindergarten graduation at all because she was a kindergartner in COVID. So she was a kindergartner like the 2019-2020 school year, and so the world shut down like a month what is what I think like a month two months before school got out. So her last two months of kindergarten were online and she didn't even get to hug her kindergarten teacher goodbye, much less have a graduation. So that's kind of sad.

Diana Rene: 17:17

Okay, number 14, don't sweat the homework. School is for socialization mostly, and you can supplement in summers. Number 15, throw out most of the papers, amen. I support this 100%. They come home with so many papers and that's good. That means they're learning right, that means they're doing things in school, but we don't need to keep them. So I support Okay. Number 16, don't stress over milestones. They will get things at their own pace. I really like that. I think it's really easy to stress over milestones Honestly, like I think this is another one that's like all stages of life, they'll get it, they'll figure it out. Like they, your kids, will not be like sleeping on your floor when they go to college, right, like there's so many things that they just they'll figure it out.

Diana Rene: 19:03

Okay, number 17,. Allow kids ability to fail with a safety net. I really like that too. That's something I am personally working on because I like to save my kids, I like to save them from failing. I like to try, I like to help them figure it out, Um, and I think like, sometimes that's great, but sometimes you got to let them fail in a safe way, and that's something that is really hard for me and it's something I'm working on and I really love that advice. Okay, so this was the third one that I just got a lot of the same or similar advice and it was from a teacher trust the teacher. They have a process ask questions respectfully and ask the teacher before going to admin. That was a big one and I think that just goes back to the communication one, like going through speaking with the teacher, making sure that you ask questions respectfully before, like, jumping right ahead over to admin. So I liked that one too.

Diana Rene: 20:07

Okay, that was all of the ones from the question box, but then I just wanted to talk just for a few minutes of a couple of things that just for me. And again, I've reflected on this a lot over the last few months because of my oldest going to middle school and my number one thing is it goes fast, like really, really fast. Like I feel like my oldest started kindergarten two weeks ago and I know that's like so cliche, but it's so true and I feel like it gets faster every year, like the older they get, I feel like it gets faster and faster and I don't like that. So it just it goes fast, so cherish it, be present and don't wish it away. Okay, so something that I would say is to get as much talk time with your kids, either both one-on-one or together. Get as much talk time with them while you're driving or while walking, and so I actually learned this from a therapist many, many years ago that it is easier for someone to open up talking if someone is not looking directly at you. And so when you're doing something together and they're not like seated staring at you while you talk, right, and so while you're walking side by side or while you're driving and they're in the back seat, for whatever reason, it just makes them feel more safe to open up. And so I try to use those times as much as I can to just talk and to ask questions.

Diana Rene: 21:45

And that's my next thing is to ask specific questions instead of general questions. So, instead of the kids getting into the car and being like how's your day Good? What'd you do Nothing, instead of those big general questions I'll still say like, how is your day overall? But then I'll say things like who did you sit with at lunch? Who did you play with the most at recess. What did you play at recess? Was there anything today that made you really mad? Was there anything today that made you really excited? Was there anything really funny today? So I'll ask like very specific questions like that.

Diana Rene: 22:26

I'll ask about specific friends that I know that they they really enjoy spending time with at school, because sometimes if I just ask about a specific friend, that'll like remind them of a story of something that happened with that friend you know, and so it just gets them talking instead of it gives that. I think that they're just so tired after a long day too, like they're so emotionally, mentally spent that it's kind of hard to like think of what to even say If someone's is like, tell me about your day, um, it's hard for them to come up with it. And so asking them specific questions like that has really allowed my kids to really open up. When we're talking and we're just driving home from school, or if we're going on a walk after dinner that night or anything like that, it just helps to keep that the conversation going instead of just stopping because they don't know what to say.

Diana Rene: 23:22

Another one for me is to focus on teaching kids how to be kind and how to look for the kids that need kindness. So that's like some, it's just been something that's really we've really focused on with my girls in elementary school Again, hi, maybe because I was bullied so bad in sixth and seventh grade but, like, look for the people that need kindness. Is there anyone at recess that's kind of just sitting alone or is just kind of walking around the field alone? Is someone sitting by themselves at lunch or is someone kind of looking around not knowing where to sit for lunch? Did someone have a really tough morning in class? Is that somebody that you can just check on and see if they're doing okay now? Or did they get hurt in gym class? Can you check on them?

Diana Rene: 24:09

So just look for opportunities to express kindness and I think that that is if we can teach our kids how to be kind, then, like, what else is there? Like honestly Okay? Again, I think my biggest thing is just, most of all, they're babies. They're babies and it's so easy to look forward to the next step, like you'll snap your fingers and it'll be here, and so just embrace it and enjoy the present and enjoy your kids like being at the age that they are. I think that would be like my best advice, with one out of elementary and one still in elementary. So, okay, you guys, before I start crying again about middle school, we're going to call it quits on this episode, but next week we are going to do the middle school and high school advice that I got.

Diana Rene: 25:03

But if this is helpful, please let me know. I'd love to hear it. Please remember, don't hate me if you didn't like what I had to say about phones. If you give your kid phones, if, oh my gosh, I can't talk, if you gave your kid phones, or if you have given your kids phones, clearly I can't speak. Right now.

Diana Rene: 25:23

There's no judgment, you guys. Everyone is doing the best that they can. We're all trying to figure it out. I get it. So please know that nothing in this episode comes from a place of judgment. It just comes from this kind of mass like influx of advice and how and that's something else that I found interesting is like a lot of the advice conflicted and so hopefully there was something in here that made you feel a little bit of comfort or gave you an idea and makes you feel a little better about your little ones starting elementary school or, you know, starting to get into upper elementary school or anything like that. Hopefully this was helpful for you and we will see you next week on The Decluttered Mom podcast.

Diana Rene: 26:07

Thanks for hanging out and listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast. Thanks for hanging out and listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean the world if you could write a review or share this episode with a friend or your Instagram stories. And if you're on Instagram, be sure to follow me at thedeclutteredmom and send me a DM to say hi. I'd love to hear what you thought about today's episode. I hope you'll come what you thought about today's episode. I hope you'll come back next week and hang out with us again.